Lauren’s Excellent Parasailing Adventure
By Lauren Poster
I am a lifelong resident of the Grand Strand. I have never been parasailing. That could be for several reasons, the first of which is that locals rarely take advantage of the tourist attractions in their own town. The second reason, and the more probable one, is that I regurgitate at the drop of a hat. Sometimes, I do it at the drop of a name or even at the drop of nothing more than a salad fork. So as enchanting as the idea of floating on pure blue air sounds, and as panoramic, as musical, as Julie Andrews-esque as I can imagine it being, I never summoned up the gumption to make it happen for real. Until just recently, I thought I might die having only experienced the naked sensation of flying in my dreams, none of which have been too appealing (There's always a giant pork chop chasing after me with a tuba).
Ocean Watersports changed all of that. A local parasailing vendor which also does jet ski rentals and banana boat rides, they are located at 3rd Ave. South and offer flights of fancy from March to October every year along the balmy coast of Myrtle Beach.
Chuck Post is one of the owner/operators of the popular business, working with the company since 1998. Originally a Marion boy, Chuck reminds me of a cross between Kurt Russell and Jon Voight in their ripest years, with a tousled head of sun-bleached hair and a bashful row of white teeth flashing every time he smiles. In fact, everyone at Ocean Watersports has the look of bronzed health and god-like youth. Remember Point Break? Yeah. Chuck's first experience with parasailing was roughly 20 years ago. He and a friend (fellow owner/operator Dave Sage) decided to teach themselves how to do it. They took turns running the boat and sending each other up. I ask how he knew they wouldn't die up there with their heinrichs in a literal sling, and Chuck laughs, explaining that they sent a trash can full of water up before they tried a person. That seemed to work, so they figured it would be OK. (This story was told off the record, but I found it so endearing that I had to share.) Besides, now that they're professionals they more than have the hang of things. But that boyishly intrepid spirit lingers, making the promise of adventure all the more palpable as he describes what I'll be doing for 10-12 minutes in the void of clouds and air. He says there's no experience required for this crazy hay ride, and I trust him despite my better judgment.
Ocean Watersports is not the only parasailing service on the Strand. In fact, quite close by a few others operate. "We get along with most of them," Chuck teases as he casts a steely eye along the coastline. "Most of them." I imagine a summer camp-style rivalry existing between the competitors, with mostly good-natured short-sheeting as the worst of any hijinx. I get guided through the process nonchalantly, the organization reminiscent of a high school lunch line on pizza day. Getting handed a release form where I have to print and then sign my name seems perfectly official to me, after which point I am free to risk life and limb on the high seas. Someone points me in the direction of some rakishly hanging life jackets, tells me to put one on and head for the "purple flag."
On the way I see every assortment of patron possible, every shape and size. An attractive young man gets lubed with sunscreen by a noticeably older and thicker woman. A girl clicks her retainer, wearing a shirt that says "Peace, Love, and Skirts." If these people can do it, I can.
Waiting for my turn, I realize it isn't enough that I have to ride a boat in order to parasail. I'll have to ride a boat to get to the boat that gets me in the air - a dubious-looking "double banana boat" piloted by an adolescent on a jet ski. Straddling the craft like a donkey with four others behind and beside me, I hear a fellow rider squeal, "I wanna be at the front of the banana!" Who doesn't? The jet ski sputters without warning and we jerk to a start, following the bumpy wake that I suspect does not need to be so bumpy. But it is fun, and I grin to myself as I let one of my hands flail behind me, loose from the death grip I had assumed at t he outset.
The journey into the sky is so pain-free it isn't even funny. Another pretty man face grabs my hand and hoists me onto the main boat, pointing me to the deck where I'll fasten my harness and prepare to ride. I expected so much more hullabaloo, but really everything goes along on autopilot. As Chuck said, this is all very self-explanatory. I sit on the landing pad, get clipped to a giant chute next to two other riders, and the next thing I know I'm airborne, billowing in a soundless expanse of calm. I had pictured myself in a sort of horizontal free fall, wind peeling my face back and generating actual joules of heat and light energy into the mushroom cap behind me. Instead, I experience utter serenity. Save for the far-off buzz of a helicopter, which filters in through a Dimetapp-like quality in the lazy air, I am free from the tethers of earthly care. "This is kinda boring," says the teenager next to me. What. Ev. This is the best thing since yoga - and it's actually a lot less strenuous. Ohm, I say to myself, just before my can gets dashed into the righteously cold water below. There's your adventure, Tiffany. Or whatever your name is.
I now remember what Chuck said about being dipped, and how you can beg the driver not to but it won't always help. Sorry, folks, you're not driving this pony show. Alighting back on the deck makes me feel like Peter Pan; and I now realize that the skill is not mine. The well-seasoned employees have made me look like a total rock star, despite my pasty ineptitude. This was awesome. Until I remember that they took pictures (available online).
Ocean Watersports also rents jet skis for hourly increments, at about $95 an hour. This includes intensive safety and operational lessons before you're turned loose. Banana boat rides run about $15, and you can choose between the kiddie ride (the double banana boat) or the more extreme single banana boat, an inflatable hot dog that you're pretty much guaranteed to fall off of, if that's what blows your skirt up. The parasailing, which takes roughly 45 minutes roundtrip, is available for around $50 per person. And I suggest you do it.
You can contact Ocean Watersports at 843-445-7777 for reservations, or just drop by their awning at the beach on 3rd Ave. South daily. Remember, Wednesdays and Thursdays are busiest, so don't wait too long. You can check out their Web site at www.parasailmyrtlebeach.com for more information.
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