Terry’s Top 10: Fun Ways to Spend Your Parking Meter Dough
By Terry Massey
Beware the Ides of March: Parking-meter season has returned in the city of Myrtle Beach, and in other beach communities along the Grand Strand.
The parking meter is perhaps the worst vending-machine invention ever. You drop in your change and, POOF!, out comes nothing, except time, which is priceless.
So in honor of those change-chomping, no-armed bandits, I give to you my top 10 ways to spend your hard-earned change in Myrtle Beach besides sticking it in a parking monster.
10. You’re never far away from a beachwear store in Myrtle Beach, and you wouldn’t believe the trinkets that can be had for a fistful of nickels - a shark-tooth necklace, a cup full of slime, a hermit crab, a cup full of sand, false rotten teeth, a cup full of counterfeit pirate treasure coins. Then you can stick those into the parking meter.
9. The economic downturn has resulted in some good news for consumers - the fast-food wars. McDonald’s, Burger King, Wendy’s, Taco Bell and other have expanded their dollar (or less) menus, so you can chow down on a double cheeseburger or bite into a burrito for the same price of parking in a metered spot for 24 minutes.
8. U.S. postage stamps have increased to 44 cents, which is a relative bargain compared to parking your car for about the same time it takes to get an oil change. Think about it: for 44 cents the mailman will transport your letter to Alaska or Maine or Hawaii cheaper than you can park your car while using zero gas.
7. Snack vending machines are always fun. When else do you wait and pray for gravity to kick in than when watching your snack swivel towards you and eventually (and hopefully) drop right in front of you? But if the Cheez-Its get stuck on the edge, you can knock them loose with your shoulder. Don’t try that with a parking meter.
6. Newspapers are one of the last great bargains on the planet. For 50 or 75 cents, you can read the news, events, sports, classified ads, Dear Abby, the comics, do crossword puzzles and clip enough coupons to more than cover the cost of the paper. Then, when you’re done, you can potty train a puppy or wrap some snapper.
5. Those hand-cranked gumball machines at the entrance of every major retail and grocery store have more than just candy these days. You can get bouncy balls, temporary tattoos or cool plastic jewelry. Unless, as often happens, no prize comes out when you crank it. Then you know what it’s called? A parking meter.
4. Ever want to learn how to tap dance? All you need are a couple of nickels and some Super Glue to stick them to the bottom of your shoes (used chewing gum will do, and there’s a good chance you’ll find some in the parking spot you’re not using). Just stick the coins to your soles, put some music in your soul and tap away.
3. The Chapin Memorial Library is a great place to visit, if you can find a parking spot. There’s no cover charge, and Horry County residents can get a library card and check out books for free. If you’re a slow reader, you can keep it longer than the due date and rack up a week’s worth of late fees cheaper than you can park your car.
2. For only one quarter you can buy a fist full of fish food and feed the carp at the Broadway at the Beach lake. Of course, you have to strategically toss each pellet in just the right place to prevent the ducks and sea gulls from stealing the fish food, but that’s part of the fun. Be a big spender, buy a buck’s worth and create a buffet.
1. Take a handful of pennies to the beach and wait for those little old men with metal detectors to come by. When they’re not looking, chuck the copper coins directly in their paths so their beepers go off like they’ve found a buried treasure. Then kick back and laugh as they spend all day digging for 17 cents. Now that’s entertainment.
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