Terry’s Top 10: Tips for Tourists About the Beach
By Terry Massey
The calendar says the official start of summer is still a month away, but we don't need no stinkin' Vernal Equinox to tell us when the summer fun has begun. It is that time of year again, my tourist friends, to pack up the minivan, laugh at the South of the Border billboards on the highway and head to Myrtle Beach. But before you grab your toothbrush (that's all you really need), here's a top 10 checklist of things every tourist should know before coming to Myrtle Beach.
10) We know you came to get a tan. No one wants to go home from a week at the beach as pale and pasty as they left. But don't try to get it all in one day or you will spend the rest of your week inside your hotel room putting aloe on your fire-engine-red body. Instead, use lots of sunscreen (rub it in good to avoid that streaky pink look) and get sun gradually. You don't want your new tan to peel off before you can get back home to show it off to your lily-white friends.
9) A vacation is supposed to be an adventure, so be adventurous. Don't go out to eat at the same chain restaurant you can go to back home - check out places with fresh local seafood and try something different. Don't spend the whole week walking back and forth from your hotel room to the beach - do something exciting like parasailing, deep-sea fishing or kayaking. There are a lot of fun things to do at the beach if you have an open mind and schedule.
8) It's easy to get lost in an unfamiliar city, but Myrtle Beach makes it darn-near impossible. The cross streets are numbered, so if you passed first grade you can find your way around town, and one direction dead ends into the Atlantic Ocean. If you see it, pull a U-ey. The distinctions North or South tell you which side of First Avenue. Don't be the guy at Sea Captain's House (30th Ave. North) asking "Where's Damon's?" (30th Ave. South). It's 60 blocks away.
7) It's cool to wear a Myrtle Beach T-shirt ... everywhere except Myrtle Beach. You might as well buy a T-shirt that says "Hello, I am not from here. I am a tourist." Not that there's anything wrong with that, but part of being on vacation is blending into the environment and doing as the Romans (Myrtlians?) do. Also, lose the socks and tennis shoes and kick on some Crocs or flip-flops. Of course, if you don't follow No. 10 your hot-pink tan probably gave you away.
6) Feeding the seagulls is not like feeding the ducks at your pond back home. Ducks politely quack and waddle for bread crumbs; seagulls swarm the scene and can ruin your day. It's almost like these rats-with-wings have some sort of sophisticated communications system that alerts them when free food is around ("We've got Cheez-Its on 53rd Avenue North"). Soon you will be surrounded by birds, and that's not suntan lotion they are dropping on your shoulder.
5) Word to the wise: don't believe everything you read. For example, all the souvenir stores called "Nothing Over $7.95" should be named "Some Stuff Under $7.95." There's even a small disclaimer on the door that reads "Some items over $7.95" and most the merchandise displayed in the windows are over the title's total. And contrary to what your eyes may tell you, you did not see Elvis, Marilyn Monroe, Garth Brooks and Michael Jackson at the same concert.
4) The most important thing you can pack for your vacation is your common sense. Sounds obvious, but all too many people leave it at home and lose their minds on vacation. Just because you don't live here doesn't mean you are exempt from local laws. If you want to go out and have a few drinks, take a cab. Otherwise you could end up spending the night in the most expensive hotel in town, and it does not have turndown service or chocolates on the pillow.
3) The Atlantic Ocean may look like your local lake back home, but it's not. The waves are real, not the ones caused by a passing boat, and rip tides can be dangerous even in shallow water, especially on windy days. Also, the ocean is controlled by tides that go in and out every 12 hours or so. Don't set up camp too close to the coast on a rising tide or your beach chairs, beach towels and beach toys will quickly become ocean chairs, wet towel and lost toys.
2) If you only take one word from this list, it's "Relax!" Too many people go home from vacation more stressed-out and tired than they left. It can be hectic trying to keep the kids in line and entertained, deciding where to go for dinner and excitement that will make everyone happy, trying to have fun while keeping one eye on the budget. It costs nothing to kick back on the beach, listen to the waves and take a nap if you feel like it. Again, just don't forget the sunscreen.
1) Enjoy your stay and tell your friends about us. You may run into the occasional snooty server or unfriendly front-desk clerk, but the vast majority of folks in Myrtle Beach love sharing our beach with you and appreciate you spending your vacation with us (operative word "spending"). Or maybe it's a Southern hospitality thing, where our house is your house, but the biggest compliment you can pay a true local is by choosing to stay one week where we live all year.
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