Terry’s Top 10: Ways to Survive the Pollen in Myrtle Beach
By Terry Massey
Spring has sprung, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the azaleas are blooming and everything is YELLOW!
Yes, it's that time of year again when pine pollen blankets the Grand Strand and those with allergies swell up like a soufflé.
That's why this week’s top 10 list is ways to cope with the yellow menace without having to leave our lovely little pollen garden:
10. Buy an economy-sized box of Saran Wrap to cover all your outdoor valuables. They'll still turn yellow, but all you have to do is unwrap them in a few weeks.
9. You know that big jar of change you have that's collecting dust at home? Take it to your vehicle and drive by the car wash every day. Make that twice a day.
8. Remember that bad '70s movie about the boy who lived in the plastic bubble? That doesn't look like such a bad place to live for a few weeks.
7. Put a "Taxi" sign on the side of your car and make a few extra bucks shuffling tourists around town during spring break.
6. Pretend that it's our version of snow and try to build a pollen man, make a pollen angel or have a pollen ball fight.
5. Put regular white marshmallows out on the front porch and make your own Peeps. They can't taste any worse than the real ones.
4. Pass city ordinances requiring all pollen to wear helmets and preventing it from congregating in parking lots. It worked on keeping the bikers away.
3. Simply stay away from pine trees, which is kind of like telling people in Iowa to stay away from corn fields. Indoors is your only hope.
2. Ever want to be a graffiti artist without the rap sheet? Now's your chance to write your name on everything without going to jail. Just make sure to wear a glove before you go tagging or you could get caught yellow-fingered, er, red-handed.
1. Dress up like the "Bee Girl" from that old Blind Melon video and dance around town pretending to be the pollen fairy. At least people will look at you funny for a reason other than your coughing and sneezing.
Feel free to follow any one of those 10 tips, or just do what most longtime locals do and deal with it. It's a small yellow price tag to pay for living in the garden of Myrtle.
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