Posted on Oct 23, 2009 - 12:33 PM

The Great and Powerful Pumpkin

By Lauren Poster

Photos by Keith Jacobs

http://www.mbsun.com/assets_c/2009/10/DSC_5437-thumb-540x357-2448.jpgIt's that special time of year again - time to pick out next spring's prom dress from the Foxy Lady half-off rack!!! And while you're out, you should stop somewhere and buy a pumpkin, too. Even though it may not always be cost-effective to buy stuff while it's in season, this is one pretty good exception. Besides, there's nothing like watching a rerun of Charlie Brown's Great Pumpkin while actually having one kind of near you.

Whether you want to celebrate Halloween, or just have an extremely low-fat snack, pumpkins are available for your pleasure now through early spring. Hollow one out and fill it with yogurt or even just sit it next to you while you watch TV, and you will surely be made happy by the warm presence of a giant orange squash in your general viewing area. And neither of these fun, fresh ideas even includes the most exhilarating one of all: slashing its flesh with a giant hacking knife to create distorted images which you will later illuminate from within using a naked flame.

A quick sweep of Google images for Halloween pumpkin designs turns up a template for Lionel Ritchie's face on the very first page (How upsetting is that?). I always knew people did some sick things around Halloween. For instance, one year I bought Bella Lugosi vs. The Brooklyn Werewolf from the Dollar Store DVD bin. But this really goes beyond the point I would consider healthy. And while I do recommend you get your freestyle pumpkin designs Rorschach analyzed by a mental health professional just in case, I also encourage people to get crazy.

You can download templates on the Internet, purchase specialized pumpkin carving kits with a range of small and large utensils, or you could just do what I do: grab the most dangerous knife in the kitchen and wield it willy-nilly, without compass, without plan, without helmet. And yes, my glass eye is very convincing, thank you.

http://www.mbsun.com/assets_c/2009/10/DSC_5423-thumb-540x260-2450.jpgA really good way to ensure that your design lasts until the date in question is to do what Tricia Zemke plans, which is to save her pumpkin (these fruits will keep for several months in cool, dark places), and carve it the day before Halloween. She and her daughter Annabelle (is this from the Edgar Allan Poe lyric?) are visiting the Surfside United Methodist Church's annual pumpkin patch, located at 13th Ave. North in Surfside Beach on Hwy. 17. They plan to get three pumpkins, and Annabelle's is oddly size-appropriate, being of smaller stature. What kind of face will she put on her pumpkin, scary or nice? "Scary!" she squeals, darting behind her mother and holding her in a mixture of shyness and excitement.

http://www.mbsun.com/assets_c/2009/10/DSC_5704-thumb-300x200-2452.jpgMuch in the way that pets often match their owners, pumpkins have a high potential for fooling facial recognition technology. Some are square, some are broad and round, some are long and thin, and others are excessively warty. While most are some shade of orange, one of these pumpkins reminds me of the ashen face of a zombie - a warped, dilating, twisted vortex which likely will not need (nor be hospitable to) a great deal of carving. It's scary enough as it is. A few others are ghostly-light shades, and still others have a white crust reminiscent of day-old duck turds. Once again, however, this type of pumpkin is available in very limited supply, as it takes a special kind of mother to love such a child.

The Methodist church's pumpkin patch is one of the best-recognized along the Grand Strand, having been in operation annually for roughly 17 years, at the estimate of Jon Marcus, the church's director of youth ministry. A young fellow, I first mistake him for one of the teenage volunteers. I ask how business has been, and he nods approvingly, "We're doing really good. Without naming a figure, we're up from last year."

http://www.mbsun.com/assets_c/2009/10/Pumpkin sidebar box-thumb-350x466-2454.jpgJon also enlightens me to something disturbing: we are in the midst of a pumpkin shortage. There was some concern as to whether the church would receive its requisite two shipments of pumpkins in time for the season. They are up and running, though, and business is at a fine clip, with spikes in traffic during the last two hours of operation when people are leaving work. The patch is open from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. daily, and 12 p.m. to 8 p.m. on Sundays.

I ask Jon whether he has any religious qualms with people potentially using these squashes for Halloween purposes. He simply shakes his head, as if to say I am ridiculous. The proceeds for the pumpkin sales go to the youth ministry, providing about 60 percent of its budget annually. The ministry has several service projects which are aided by this money, including the purchase of Thanksgiving dinners for South Strand Helping Hand, as well as Christmas gifts for the Boys and Girls Club. They usually sell out of their stock sometime around October 23rd and 24th, when the church holds its annual Family Festival and Fish Fry, but they stay open as late as November as long as unsold pumpkins remain.

As I prepare to leave the patch, a woman enters, asking whether there are any damaged or busted pumpkins that she could buy. "I want to try that idea I saw on the Internet," she says saucily. My eyebrows shoot up involuntarily, half an inch higher than my face, and I query her as to what this could be.

Martha Watson, a lovely woman with long black hair reminiscent of Morticia Addams' but sporting a much nicer tan, explains that she wants the guts to stage a grisly "lawnmower accident" in her front yard for the season. She and her family plan to deck it out.

That's getting into the spirit. And I bet it'll be way cooler than the pie I was going to bake.