What Hollywood Golfers Do You Want to See on the Silver Screen?

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Saturday afternoon. Just finished helping my friend Randy coach our sons’ kindergarten basketball game, and I’ve got a Johnny Roseboro-style headache from an hour’s worth of one kid on the bench screaming in my infected ear, and another wiping snot on my shirt sleeve.

Sit down, Jim. Relax. Turn on the tube.

What’s this? The Legend of Bagger Vance. Matt Damon swinging a golf club.

My headache just got worse.

An hour’s nap and a couple Advil later, I shook my post-traumatic Damon disorder long enough to give fleeting thought to which Hollywood types actually do have a decent golf swing – you know, both good enough to remotely resemble a professional golfer on the big screen, and actors or actresses I’d actually want to see in that role.

Here are the top five I came up with (handicap index as provided by Golf Digest in parentheses):

• Jack Wagner (0.3) – He’s the best golfer on the Tinseltown circuit, and made us laugh/made us cry as Dr. Peter Burns on Melrose Place. Plus, it would give him a real chance to atone for this.
• Billy Crudup (4.5) – This Amost Famous rocker is no stranger to portraying famous athletes; he gave a spot-on performance as legendary distance runner Steve Prefontaine in Without Limits.
• Randy Quaid (??) – Best known as Cousin Eddie in the National Lampoon Vacation movies. Actually gave it a heck of a turn 20 years ago in HBO’s screen adaptation of Dan Jenkins’ golf novel, Dead Solid Perfect. The guy’s got game.
• Dennis Quaid (6.1) – Randy’s kid brother played high-school-teacher-turned-Major-League-pitcher Jim Morris in the Disney flick The Rookie. If he could pull that one off …
• Samuel L. Jackson (6.9) – Because Jules Winnfield as Bagger Vance would have shown Matt Damon the “Inglewood Jack” for that candy-ass swing.

Who would you rather see?

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