Posted on Aug 18, 2007 - 05:08 AM

What To Do If You Suck At Golf

With tons golf courses littered throughout the fine Grand Strand it's hard to ignore that golf runs rampant amongst the beach. So prevalent is the sport that golf carts are used not only for the occasional round but as primary transportation around the area. With golf such a force here it's impossible to ignore regardless of your skill level. To be honest I love the game--the competition, the agility, the challenge. However it's always just a matter of time until this delicate sport wields the darker side of me—the swearing, frustration, increased blood pressure and shame. Yes despite my respect, nay love for golf I’m chagrin to admit that….well…I suck. Yes, and I proudly admit it. Over the years as I've become more schooled in the sport I can say for sure that...well my game really hasn't improved remotely at all. However, I still love the game and have found ways to make up for my inadequacy and keep my sanity, so I pass along this advice to you:

What to do when you suck at golf:

1. Money is a beautiful thing. They say it can't buy love or happiness but I disagree because it can eventually lead to a lower golf game. And it most definitely can buy countless lessons at a premiere golf academy fruitful here in golf country. Now the question is which is better quality or quantity?

2. Eat, sleep, breathe and obsess golf. Yeah and here in Myrtle that's easy to do. Check out the pros cuisine at popular golfing destinations such as the Caddy Shack or Greg Norman’s Grill. Read up on the sport for can't swing a club without hitting a stack of magazines boasting the pros secrets. Check out the latest equipment at the various golf shops dotting our shores. WEAR your cleats to bed, your glove to work and become...........golf.

3. They say those who can, do; those who can't, teach. So what you don’t excel at golf, utilize other abilities. Perhaps you could memorize meaningless golf statistics, hints, tips and other such annoying tidbits to throw off the game of your opponents. Undermine him intellectually in order to show him or her up physically. (insert evil laughter here)

4. Drink lots of beer. This here is my normal strategy. I suck at golf, but fortunately for me...I’m good at drinking. And for some funny reason after about 3 overpriced beers from the cart girl I start to become accustomed to my inaptitude and actually begin to relish in it. SO my secret to golf sanity? Lots and lots of liquid relaxation.

5. Be the score keeper...that way you get to keep track of the mulligans uh and…um, yeah the score too.

6. Go on a golf vacation. They say what happens in Myrtle Beach stays in Myrtle Beach-- including terrible golf scores.

7.The snowman rule. You can't ever score higher than an 8. Problem solved.

8. Another popular quote applied to the sport of golf: "You are only as good as the company you hold" Yeah, um so....acquire some friends just as bad at golf as you. Maybe even worse.

9. Did I mention the beer tip? Repeat as necessary.

10. Maybe pick up something less complicated like…Scrabble, lawn bowling, or become a professional spectator. Someone’s got to watch the golf channel! It could be you!