So this week’s Players Championship is placing an undue hardship on the field, subjecting its competitors to the indignity of playing the “fifth” major on (gasp) Bermuda greens. So says an anonymous PGA Tour pro:

”My only complaint is with the greens. No major championship is held on bermuda greens, so if we want the Players to be the fifth major, why are we playing on bermuda? I don't think the greens will ever be as good as when they were overseeded bermuda. The real reason they made the change wasn't to make the greens better for the Players, it was to make them better year-round …”

Boo-friggin’-hoo.

Gratuitous sarcasm aside, here’s my question to you:

How much of a difference does it make for you, the Myrtle Beach golfer, whether you play on Bermuda or bentgrass greens?

I understand the basic benefits of each, especially after reading this overview from MyrtleBeachGolf.com. But the deeper I dig into the debate, and see how modern agriculture is now producing different forms of each grass that makes them better suited for conditions that previously made it difficult for them to thrive … I get a headache.

It’s not made any easier when I see that popular layouts like Barefoot, King’s North, The Dunes and Tidewater go the bentgrass route, while still other premier courses like Caledonia, Prestwick and The Founders Club prefer Bermuda. Last I knew, none of these golf destinations suffers a shortage of play because of their greens preference.

Here's the painful fact for me: no matter how well-conditioned either type of greens may be, I could putt on loose gravel and get the same result (That’s what happens when your Never Compromises putter might as well be named “Never Met a Two-Putt That I Couldn’t Turn Into a Four-Putt.”).

I’ll leave it to you, my more accomplished flat-stick friends, to tell me which type I should prefer. Fire away!

Brandon Tucker over at WorldGolf.com wonders if the whole craze over golf courses “going green” has the top golf spots facing a tipping point. His colleague at TravelGolf.com, Chris Baldwin, offers the cynic’s view on the movement in seeking ”golf’s Al Gore.”

I’m simply wondering when time and technology will catch up, and at least make it not-so-cost-prohibitive for golf courses to take the more environmentally friendly route.

Any time someone brings this topic up, I can’t help but think of the Jack Nicklaus/Tom Doak collaboration up on the East End of Long Island, Sebonack Golf Club, that only opened a few years ago but has already become an environmentalist’s delight with its many “eco-friendly” features:

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The antagonistic relationship between American golf and Scotland’s Colin Montgomerie took a new turn last week, when it was revealed that the Masters passed over Monty in favor of three lower-ranked Asian players. True to form, Monty was less than pleased.

"There has been no call from Augusta and I am not expecting one. Now, if I were the only person in the country, a la China, I might get in,” said Montgomerie, as reported by GolfChannel.com. “It is a strange way to make up a field for a major championship— television rights. They are quite open about why.”

Indeed, Augusta chairman Billy Payne has been straightforward in the club’s rationale. "These three individuals (China's Liang Wen-chong, Thailand's Prayad Marksaeng and Indian Jeev Milkha Singh, respectively 111th, 93rd and 80th in the world) are successful, accomplished and talented golfers deserving of a Masters invitation,” Payne told Telegraph.co.uk. “They are outstanding representatives of their respective countries.

"This is also another component in our objective of growing the game of golf worldwide utilising the Masters brand. We think the interest in golf in each country will heighten when these players compete in the Masters."

Fair enough. But c’mon – given the current acrimony, wouldn’t a last-minute invite add some nice little spice? Not that the Masters ever really needs it. But the next time he sets foot on the soil of a U.S. golf course – be it Augusta National or elsewhere in the States – don’t you want to see how he competes in front of a less-than-friendly, “Proud to be an American” gallery?

Decorum schmorum. Payne would be wishing both McCord and Feherty were back to add some civility to the proceedings.

In any case ... It’d be kinda fun, wouldn’t it?

Hot off the presses, from our colleagues at WorldGolf.com:

Tiger Woods to announce his retirement from golf

By William K. Wolfrum, WorldGolf.com

After he winds his way down the 18th fairway of Augusta in this year's Masters, Tiger Woods' epic chase for golf's most hallowed records will come to an end.

With rumors afloat that Woods' wife Elin will be giving birth to triplets, Tiger Woods will announce his retirement from competitive golf, say sources unwilling to be identified. A press conference is rumored to be scheduled for Friday.

"That's it, it's over," the source said April 1. "Tiger is moving on to full-time fatherhood and other challenges.”

The source went on to say that there are rumors that Woods, who has been in the public eye since the age of three, has burned out on golf, and may even look to other sports as a way to unleash his legendary competitiveness.

"Tiger and Roger Federer have been spending a lot of time working on Tiger's tennis game," said the source. "Tiger's serve is already approaching the 125-mph range, so I wouldn't be surprised to eventually see him try to add a Wimbledon trophy to his golf accomplishments.”

Woods will retire with at least 64 career PGA Tour victories and 13 major triumphs. At least one Woods fan claimed disbelief in the possibility of a PGA Tour without the venerable Tiger.

"This is the worst news I've ever heard," said Donald Trump. "Seriously, why in the hell would anyone want to watch the PGA now?"

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Myrtle Beach Golf Holiday and Myrtle Beach area golf courses have teamed up with the National Prostate Cancer Coalition (NPCC) to kick off the “Know Your Score” campaign to benefit prostate cancer research. Through events and tournaments scheduled in Myrtle Beach during 2008, Myrtle Beach Golf Holiday hopes to raise more than $250,000 for the NPCC and their prostate cancer research efforts.

The “Know Your Score” campaign officially kicks off in April, with closest-to-the-pin contests held each Saturday during the month of April at 34 Grand Strand-area golf courses. By making a $20 donation to the NPCC, golfers can compete against all other closest-to-the-pin participants to win prizes.

The following Grand Strand area courses will participate (see after the jump):

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It’s pretty easy, actually. For starters, Prime Times Signature Courses offer tremendous “Red Line Rates” that will save you anywhere from $20 to $33 per round on tee times before 8 a.m. and after 1:30 p.m. They’re good for eight in-demand courses along the Grand Strand: Long Bay Club and Aberdeen Country Club to the north; Waterway Hills, Southcreek at Myrtle Beach National and the West Course at Myrtle Beach National in the central; and River Club, Litchfield Country Club and Willbrook Plantation in the South Strand.

The deals get even better when you include the kids – they get to play for free (one junior per paying adult). And the eight aforementioned courses are among 40 along the Grand Strand currently offering “Kids Play Free” rates throughout the year.

Looking for things to do before and after your round(s)? Check out these happenings:

• Family Kingdom Amusement Park opens its gates for the 2008 season this Friday, March 21. Family Kingdom gives your clan the option of all-day, unlimited ride wristbands ($22.75, plus tax) or individual ride tickets ($1.05 per ticket, plus tax; 2-5 tickets per ride). With seasonal, sunny weather on tap for the next several days, there’s no better time to enjoy “Myrtle Beach’s Only Seaside Amusement Park.”
• Sure, the kids are off from school, but you can still take advantage of great cultural learning opportunities like the one currently offered at Brookgreen Gardens. Cross-Continental Cultural Connections is a new educational display that explores the themes of customs, heritage, slavery and spirituality of the South Carolina Lowcountry and the Gullah/Geechee culture. It showcases baskets, fabrics, musical instruments and artifacts from Sierra Leone, Ghana and Nigeria as well as historical photographs from nearby Sandy Island. The display is free with a paid Gardens admission, and runs through Sunday, March 30.

So what if you’re not a scratch golfer? You don’t need to be a low handicapper to get a true taste of individual tournament competition on the Grand Strand.

The GOLF CHANNEL Amateur Tour hosts the second of its season-long tournaments in the Myrtle Beach area on Monday, March 24, with tee times beginning at 1 p.m. at the Resort Club at Grande Dunes.

The one-day, stroke play tournament fee of $130 includes golf, GPS-equipped cart and range balls, and helps subsidize trophies for GOLF CHANNEL Amateur Tour players and separate prize funds for both Tour members and guests. The event is limited to the first 40 players, and space is filling quickly. The registration deadline is Monday, March 17th.

Click here to register, or contact Tim Mack at tmack@theaagt.com or Marc DeGarie at hogan53@sc.rr.com. (Please note that the tournament fee must be paid in advance by check. Submit checks c/o Tim Mack, 3001 N. Kings Hwy., PMB #241, Myrtle Beach, SC 29577.)

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So LPGA Tour Commissioner Carolyn Bivens is “not concerned about Americans getting squeezed out.” This was in response to questions she fielded at last week’s HSBC Women’s Championship in Singapore, amid growing concern that her U.S.-based tour has been “invaded” by Asian players.

My initial thought? Well, shouldn’t she be concerned? Not necessarily by the Asian factor, but by the fact that the global emergence of top-flight women players has made it that much more difficult for the best American golfers to ascend to the top?

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It’s a shame, really. With two presidential debates recently hosted on the Grand Strand, the “Golf Capital of the World” would have been the ideal setting to put Jimmy Demaret’s theory to the test.

As Don Van Natta, Jr. explains in his book First Off the Tee: Presidential Hackers, Duffers and Cheaters from Taft to Bush:

“‘If the people wish to determine the best candidate (for president), put all the contenders on a golf course,’ the golf pro Jimmy Demaret once said. ‘The one who can take five or six bad holes in a row without blowing his stack is capable of handling the affairs of the nation.’”

In highlighting the fact that 14 American presidents have played the game, Van Natta notes that, in each case “(golf) revealed as much – and, in some cases, even more – about their personalities, their character, and even their presidencies as the words they chose, the bills they signed, or the legacies they imagined for themselves.”

So what if we'd been able to apply Demaret’s theory to the current slate of Oval Office hopefuls while they were here last month? Just think of what the nation could have learned by seeing these three in action on a Myrtle Beach golf course, and the fascinating dynamics that would have come into play:

• I have no knowledge of Hillary Clinton sharing any appreciation for the game whatsoever, but wouldn’t it have been something to see her navigate that six-hole sequence with her husband on the bag? How many “Billigans” would she have been advised to take?
• Barack Obama apparently became a student of the game during his ascent to political prominence, once explaining to a friend, “An awful lot happens on the golf course.” Hmmm.
• John McCain? The Arizona senator’s most recent visit to Myrtle Beach included this revelation of his disdain of the game. For a guy who despises golf so much, his reaction to a succession of “snowmen” might have been the most revealing of all.

Beyond the current hopefuls … If you could pick any current or former president with whom to play a round of golf, who would it be? Would you favor the famously lightning-paced rounds of President George W. Bush or his father? Would you enjoy your own first-hand account of the “80” on President Clinton’s scorecard, and the “97” you actually saw? Or would you go back in time to play a round with perhaps the White House’s most obsessed golfer, President Dwight D. Eisenhower? Let us know!